Metanoia:Postlog: It’s all an internal struggle

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So maybe I didn’t really explain it properly, how it’s all an internal struggle. Just like me now, I’m affecting the external world with the words I write in this book that come from internal sources. Yet that is not the answer to my problems, or any of yours. Because, well, it’s all an internal struggle; we do things to the external to effect the internal. That’s natural tho, as I said, I’m doing it right now. Funny aigh? I’m doing something which I’m about to say is all crap. Yet then again, isn’t this whole book crap?

So I think I’ll get this ball rolling with a little story from the US of A. So June or July, I forget which, but anyways in 2013; I flew to America. This was not for holidays but for work (I ended up taking a week of holidays while I was there to go do/see a few things but anyways) to learn some new computer tools for programming. Anyways that’s not important, what is important was I saw a homeless dude out the front of a McDonalds. While I was going in, he asked me for a bit of money. I said I only got $15 and I’m going for dinner. I also let him know that I’d be back with the change in a minute.

So after eating a large meal, well partially eating it, which is about 20 times bigger than our large meals we have over here in Australia. So I loaded up a wheel-barrow full of leftovers and the $5 or whatever the change was, and headed out side and gave them to the homeless dude. He was ever so thankful. I said not to mention it, cos it could just as easily be me out on the street. He left me with parting advice: Don’t do crack.

Woooooooooooahhh hold on nelly. I turned around and asked him why not? He said, because you don’t want to become like me. WOAH! Hold on, are you saying, if I do crack; I’ll end up like you. Nup, see you’ve got this all wrong Mr homeless dude. The drug didn’t make you do anything. You made yourself do it all. While it’s easier to say it was a drugs fault, that’s not true at all. Just like a firearm never killed anybody, it’s always the person shooting the gun who is at fault. It’s the same thing. It’s all just a personal problem. Anyway, I left him when he said: “yup, curiosity killed this cat”. I made him take responsibility for his own actions.

"Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to make more."
-Mark Twain

For many years, we (as a society) have always been looking to blame someone/something else for our own mistakes. Like me, looking to blame religion for most of the world’s problems, as I wanted to kill god at the start of the book. Yet by the time I was writing the end of it, I realised; it’s all an internal struggle. It doesn’t come from love or hate, cos technically, they are the same thing. Just as I hate that I love ciggies, or I love to hate religion. They are just mirroring themselves. Love and hate that is.

Alright, we’ll drive a bit deeper into this now. That is the love and hate thing, then yin and the yang. Can’t you see, that the more you love one thing; the more you hate another. The balance of life. Just like one minute you are high, the next you are low. How high you go, determines how low you will go. How much you hate something will determine how much you love another thing. Don’t you see that? I will now explain, how there is HEAPS of love around. Yet not love for one-another. Yet that’s alright; because I know it’s all in love.

Love really is all around us, you just need to open your mind to see it. Man I sound like the biggest hippie right now, and I hate hippies. Perfect. Anyway, it is what it is; I’m going to have to deal with that… and I think that’s the vibe of what I’m saying here, but hold on I’ll come back to that. Love is all around us, think about it. Still not with me? Alright, I suppose I’ll have to explain it too you all.

Whilst some of you might love your job, most of you, unfortunately will not. Not love it anyways. Yet you do it, for, you guessed it love. For instance, you love the way in which you live but it’s expensive, so you need to find a job that pays well enough to support that life style. Well we both know you could live your life out as a homeless person who never has a job, but you love your little walls and roof of the place which you call home.

I feel like that is the reason the love generation of the 1960s failed was that they didn’t realise it already all was for love. Love for than ideal is the reason all wars are fought. Love is not the answer; although that seems to be what hippies everywhere have been saying for many years. I promise you; because your love will lead into hatred for whoever doesn’t love your love. Infact love and hate are two sides of the same coin. What we need is consciousness. To be conscious of the fact that reality is different for everybody. When we figure out that the universe is within us, it’s not just out there performing without us and everything has the right to live its life.

It’s not about who’s good and who’s evil. It’s all about different perspectives; because I've seen a rich man beg. I've seen a good man sin and I've seen a tough man cry. I've seen a loser win, a sad man grin and I’ve heard an honest man lie. I've seen the good side of bad, and the down side of up and everything between. I licked the silver spoon, drank from the golden cup and smoked the finest green. Sorry I think I just got carried away quoting Everlast there, but that’s some deep shit right there though. What I’m trying to say, is don’t hate anyone. You can hate their views or motives, but just don’t judge them as people, cos they are just people and don’t we all just want to be loved?

You know when I went to school they put all the blame on the bullies, like it’s their fault their dicks. Yet I’ve come to learn, is that the person being bullied is obviously bullying themselves. Otherwise it wouldn’t be bullying, the bullies would actually just be arseholes. Not worth the time thinking about. Instead of using your own time- against you. So if your bulling yourself, own whatever it is the bullies are bulling you about. Because that’s their power, take back that power and they’ve got nothing. If they call you fat, say “yup, plenty of me to go around”. Ownership, take away their power. Be proud of things you aren’t proud about. They make you who you are today. That will lead to choices, that will make you who you are tomorrow.

Look, I don’t know shit about shit, but listen to me here. My time isn’t your time, and we don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are. Life is meant to be a struggle, a struggle to evolve. Some people want to escape that struggle, which is fair enough: but doing most of those activities will kill you. Yet I said before how it doesn’t matter the length of your life, because that’s relative. Yet it’s the quality of life you choose to live. I know that the grass is always greener. I know that will depress me, but that’s what it’s all about: evolving.

So pick your struggles well, but then again it’s your time. What do I care? I’ll still love you, or love to hate you. Whatever, it’ll probably be the opposite of that tomorrow. All this shit, it’s all just a personal struggle. Me ranting and raving, that’s my internal struggle. No one can do anything to it except me, I know this. Come on people, get your shit together. You could lock me up for many years, but you could never lock up my mind or my freedom; because that’s where freedom lives. The pyramids where once only in someone’s head. That’s all I’m saying, pull it together people and that way we can we can create and discover, and not kill each other. We could collaborate instead of exterminate. Yet most of all, understand that it all comes from within. Without bending your own mind, how do you expect to make new shapes?

Peace out.