Metanoia:How longs a piece of string?

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Then I watched a documentary with Jonathan Creek in it. I think that’s his actual name is John Davies but I’m not 100% sure. He was a character from a British TV show based on murder mysteries that Jonathan Creek would solve. It was fairly good actually. I stopped watching it when it ended on SBS (Aussie TV channel) when I was about 15 or so. But anyways the documentary was about his search to find the length of a piece of string.

This doesn’t seem to hard does it? Just get a ruler and measure the thing, but it turns out, it’s just a little bit harder than you’d think. You see, and as he saw, that there is always an error factor. An error factor is something scientists know a lot about. Even while I’m doing statistics for work, there is an error factor in the results. Hmm I don’t know how to explain it though. Alright, I’ll try this; what’s the temperature right now? Just take a guess at it. Then go check a thermometer, and let’s say you’re within 5 degrees of what you said. Therefore, you have a 5 degrees of error in your judgement. Then you go check out a thermometer at a science lab, and your thermometer is only accurate to within 1 degrees. This is known as the error factor. Anyways, this was Jonathan Creek’s issue.

It turns out its impossible to measure a bit of string accurately. No matter how hard you try. I think it was called ‘How long is a piece of string?’ or something like that, British documentary for those of you who want to watch it. Sorry, I didn’t keep the name of either Jonathan Creek, or the documentary. It’s a good watch though, very interesting and highly recommended.

So yeah, I suppose it’s about time I got to the kittehs (cats). So Hyina Mufasa, a young Samoan kid, and when I say kid, I mean he was about a year younger than me. Thus, a kid, and he’d probably hate me for saying that. Also note, I recon this kid is a bloody good singer, seriously one of the best I’ve ever heard. I really wish him all the best with it. So Ina (aka Hyina Mufasa) stayed with me at my house for a little bit of time. He actually worked as a waiter at the café I visit on a daily basis, a great little café that always serves me damn fine coffee.

So he knew I absolutely loved documentaries, but didn’t understand a lot of the documentaries that I was watching at the time. So we started watching a whole heap on conspiracy theories, which both Ina and myself could enjoy. I enjoy watching these theories unless they are a little bit too crazy, but it is always a good idea in my mind to take in every ones point of view and make your own mind up on these things, rather than just believing what your told to believe. That’s probably why I hate all ‘gods’ with a passion. Relying on sheep herders opinions instead of your own.

So we got to a series called ‘Ancient Aliens’. Actually, just before I get to the kittehs (I know the suspense is killing you, but I promise it will just be a paragraph or two) I just want to say something about the landing on the moon conspiracies. Us humans have been to the moon, deal with it. Not only did they leave reflectors on the moon so we can accurately tell the distance the moon, and their rubbish that they left behind can be seen by orbiting space craft and all that. Not only that but the Russian’s, I’m sure were watching them very closely.

Yet besides all that, there are still silly people on the planet that think it was all faked. They provide me with a lot of amusement actually, so keep it up you strange warriors of the sun. Anyways, they went on about all the things ‘wrong’ with the videos of the moon landings. Like the direction of the sun’s light should of left them in darkness when they were in the shadows, and how the American flag they planted moved while they were setting it up because there isn’t meant to be any air on the moon. Both of these idea’s seem all well and good, until you put a little bit of science behind them. Then they shatter into a million pieces.

For instance, the shadows on the lunar surface not being either white where the sun shines, or black in the shadows. Reflections is the answer. Reflections of the sun’s light when it hits the moon goes in all directions. A lot like what happens when you have a light on in one room of your house, and you can still see it lighting up another room, and obviously, not so brightly. Same thing.

As for the flag moving while they set it up, well, this is because; take a seat; they were setting it up. Just like when you move something on earth, as Newton said, for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. My point isn’t really referring to what they saw, it’s referring to what they didn’t see and was completely neglected by them.

How the hell did the camera follow them when they left the moon? You’ve all seen it. You know that bit of footage when the lunar module leaves the moon and they start heading back to earth. The camera pans up with them leaving. How the hell did they do that? I don’t have an answer to give you, but that is my question.

So yeah, Ina and myself were watching Ancient Aliens, which I might add; was reasonably good. Besides the odd point or two, it was really well presented and made me think heaps. So once again, good work to the people that run it. So these guys with their crazy haircuts (and I think they were a little bit crazy, so that kinda works for these crazy critters) we’re talking about how aliens came down to earth and helped create all the ancient wonders of the world.

Like the pyramids in ancient Egypt and Mayan civilizations were obviously built by aliens. Whilst I might not actually believe that bit of information that I just told you, as I said, they put down some fairly convincing arguments for it. Yet I know nothing about construction, so it could all be shit. However it made me think about how and more importantly why the ancient Egyptians worshipped cats.

Well would you like to know my theory on those little bundles of fur we call cats? Well, if; and I really mean if; if aliens did come down to earth and gave our civilization a jump start, as these people on Ancient Aliens would have you believe: they also brought cats down with them. Think about it, all you have to do is take a look at a kitteh’s feet and you could tell this. So we have five fingers and five toes on each hand and feet (and that relates to fractals, but that’s a story for another time in this book), dogs have it too, the same amount of fingers and toes just like every other creature (that I’ve examined) on this earth. Yet somehow cats don’t. I forget the numbers that cats have but let’s say its five on the front paw, and only four on the back paw. Very weird indeed, but this is my own judgement and really has nothing to do with what I was going to say about cats.

Well you see, cats were given to the people of earth to keep an eye on the humans, and under the right circumstances, communicate ‘ideas’ telepathically to their owners that will both enhance their lives, and other peoples/things. Pretty far-fetched I know, but stick with me here and I’ll hopefully explain myself a little better.

So when these alien’s (and I repeat my disbelief at this) came down to earth and saw what awesome creatures we are, we’ll were, because in these days religion didn’t really exist. So we we’re awesome, no offence to you religious fools out there, I’m not insulting you, just your beliefs. No hard feelings. Anyways, so the aliens helped us construct these massive things like the pyramids (yup, all of them, all over the world) and showed us that working together can benefit all.

Well the aliens got called back to do some other shit for a while. Cos you know, like the star ship enterprise from star trek, there is always heaps that needs to be done when you’re running around space at warp-speeds for civilisations everywhere. So they left cat’s behind to ‘guide’ us on our way through their telepathic ways.

So after they were seen as ‘gods’ by the ancient Egyptians, many years went by with nothing coming from cats. Yet later on in our history, leading on into the dawn of the scientific age, Isaac Newton invented that cat door; probably because it was annoying getting up all the time to let the cat out. Yet more probably he was following the cats instructions that it was giving him thru telepathic ways.

So then his kitteh was so happy with his new door that he could leave and come back to the house whenever he wanted; the cat decided to give him the theory of gravity. As well as that, Nicola Tesla the dude who gave us alternating current, and without him we’d probably not have power plants; got his interest in electricity by getting a static electric shock off his cat. Hold on, I know what I’ll do. Just give you a list of people that have done ‘good’ for this world, and also had a deep love for cats:- Edwin Schrödinger, Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Marie Antoinette, Sir Winston Churchill, Charles Dickens, T.S. Elliot, Ernest Hemmingway, Victor Hugo, John Lennon, Freddie Mercury, Muhammad (the Prophet), Florence Nightingale, Nostradamus, Edgar Allan Poe, Queen Victoria, Mark Twain, Andrew Lloyd Webber and H.G. Wells.

I’m fairly sure the list goes on and on. Yet let me tell you a little about cats, they can communicate with you using nothing but their eyes. The only reason they ‘meow’ at you, is to imitate your talking abilities. Thus a cat that has never been ‘talked’ too will not doing any talking unless you stand on its tail or something. That’s to let whoever stood on it; that there is a cat there. Just like it’s purring is not necessarily a sign of affection. Cat’s actually do it as a sign of healing and bone density growth. This is how a lazy arse cat generates it’s bone density without doing anything. Amazing isn’t it? They also purr when they are unwell. So it’s not a proper form of communication. They also have the ability to rotate themselves in free space, that is truly amazing and it is the reason cat’s always land on their feet.

As you’ve probably guessed by this stage, I’m a crazy cat person. Oh! And their eyes have two sets of eyelids, what other animal has two sets of eyelids?! There are probably some out there, but I don’t know of any. Cat’s are weird and there is certainly no doubt in that, even if there is doubt about the ancient alien’s cat theory that I just put forward; which I’m pretty sure there is.

I think cats have it sorted anyways, they provide nothing but cuteness to the table and they live better lives than their owners; hands-down. We got to work five out of seven days, they get to sleep in seven out of seven days. Matter of fact, that’s pretty much all they do; sleep. They instead of working to put food on the table, they just get food on the table. When it rains, they get a warm dry place to stay and clean themselves in, while we the owners are working outside of the house to pay the silly mortgage or rent.

Cat’s really are gods, even if you don’t think of them as gods. Yet hopefully by the end of this book, I will teach you that you’re all gods. God’s of your own time anyways, but you already know that anyway, you just can’t admit it too yourselves or anyone else yet. I want you by the time you finish reading about my time to realise how simple everything is. Yes, I mean everything; everything... and by simple I mean really complicated.